Headphones Don't Stay in My Ears

Headphones don't stay in my ears. It is a very annoying problem that I have had ever since they invented the individualized connector-free headphones. The issue is that whenever I talk or I smile my ears close up. Weird, I know. Borderline disgusting too. Some have said my ear holes look like a vagina when they do this. I tend to reluctantly concur. The most annoying thing is at the gym. During my workout I concoct my face in a variety of different ways, most of which result in my vagina ears tightening up. This forces any object penetrating said holes to fall out. Thus I am forced to wear headphones that have that thingie in the back that connects to the back of the ear and makes them stay in place. I thought this was an excellent solution for a couple of years. I even wore these headphones out in public. Then I remember I looked at my reflection in a subway car and realized I looked like a mixture of Spock and Mickey Mouse. Embarrassing. But not as much as having ears that look like a 5 year old's anus. Tight.