Friday, February 26, 2010

Look Alikes: Jackie Earle Haley & Steve Nash

Let It Slush, Let It Slush, Let It Slush

I just got home from driving in this god awful slushstorm. It is HORRIBLE out there. EASILY the worst conditions I have ever been in while driving. My car got stuck 4-5 times, once going up a ramp of the highway (uh-oh), two times going up the hill from the 158th exit on the West Side Hwy and one or two more times elsewhere. I was constantly swaying while driving, and my damn defogulators (sic) weren't working very well. Oh and I had to go through a couple of red lights in order to keep up my car's momentum and not get stuck.

How can they not possibly cancel school tomorrow?? I started the night thinking there was no way it was going to happen because it is just wet snow, but after the aforementioned driving experience, I have changed my view.

The worst thing is that I am planning on driving down to DC tomorrow. So on the one hand, if school remains open, that means conditions aren't that bad. But if it is closed, then the roads must be fucked.

I really wish I was going to a place where we don't need... roads.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Look Alikes: Christian Combs & Sean Combs


HOLD YOUR HORSES!! Before you mentally crucify me for his seemingly-obvious post, please let me get a word in. Of course I know the above people are father and son. BUT THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE!!!!!! And... Diddy's other son looks nothing like him! The pudding for my proof:


5-hour ENERGY!!!!

Let's start off by stating that this shit works. It gives you a pretty substantial boost. It's best taken before a night of partying for which you do not feel well rested. It is not best taken 5 minutes before playing a basketball game at 9:15PM on a weeknight. Like I just did 2 hours ago.

I don't feel very good right now. I am dead tired, but not. It's weird. I still have a 5-hour ENERGY!!!! buzz even though I have been up since 6AM on 5-hours OF SLEEP!!!!

I started taking this concoction perhaps a year ago. Out of curiosity. Looks like curiosity killed the DAT.

Well, not yet, but I am pretty sure that if I keep taking this that I will die. Notice how I use the verb "take" and not "drink." Have you noted it? Good. The shortened version of "to notice" should be "to note," even though it's not. Or is it? Not too sure. I'm rambling.

Anyway, you should all give this 5-hour ENERGY!!!! a shot. Especially if you are consistent coffee drinkers. This can't be worse for you than 5 cups of coffee in the morning. I've heard coffee is best for you when you are coughing. I guess you could call it coughee. (I did not hear that btw).

How does a commonly used phrase become a web acronym? And how does a NOT commonly used phrase become a web acronym? Like FTW. I feel like that is a fucking retarded acronym. I just really dislike it. Perhaps it's because I am unsure of how to properly use it. I like the word "acronym" though. So much so I will now try to use it to mean a food. If I ate enough acronyms, perhaps I would be able to successfully climb the acrocrag. FTW.

Where were we? Oh yes, 5-hour ENERGY!!!! I guess if I took this at 9:15 I am now on hour 2.25. Fuck. That means I have 2.75 more hours left (relax, I used to be a math teacher). You know what's really going to suck? When I finish writing this dumb ass blog post and go to bed. You know why? Because I am going to toss and turn for 2.75 hours. Then, at 3:15 in the morning, I will fall into a coma. I'd rather fall into a comma than a period (right ladies?!)


Monday, February 22, 2010

Michael Jackson: Victim of a Transition

It's hard to look back at the life of the King of Pop and not wonder what the f*ck went wrong. How did such an amazingly brilliant talent deteriorate in such a fascinating fashion? I am pretty sure all of his fans think about this at one point or another. And if they are in denial, the black-boy-growing-up-to-be-a-white-woman joke most definitely hits them hard. I was recently thinking about this and took it a step further - I wondered if MJ would have been better off blowing up in the modern media world. Would Mike's downfall have happened if he skyrocketed to fame a little later in his life? Maybe if he was born 10 years later? Basically:

Would his deterioration into a visual freak have happened in the present-day 24-hour news cycle/reality TV atmosphere?

Short answer: no. Obviously not. He would have been too exposed. He would not have had the ability to basically isolate himself and go crazy. The world of Twitter/Facebook/YouTube would be able to somehow make Mike into a saner person.

This line of thought led to another, more over-arching theory. Of course we all know MJ was famous almost from his birth. He was constantly exposed and constantly under the microscope (at least as much of a microscope that there was in the 70s). But he didn't attain his remarkable heights until the 80s. And then went even higher in the 90s and 00s. So here's the theory:

Michael Jackson was the unfortunate victim of the mass media transition.

I look back at photos of Michael in the 80s. I specifically do it to see if I could pinpoint when he started to change and become white. Surprisingly, there aren't that many photos/videos available other than what was closely monitored by him. No way in hell would this have happened 10-15 years later.

Mike blew up at a time when sharing his personal information with the world wasn't mandated by the status quo. Celebrities still had some measure of privacy. Not because there was some sort of respect that fans paid their idols, but because technology was just not there yet. At some point in the late 80s and early 90s, the media tide started to shift. But Mike stayed put, growing more and more isolated and... well.. just plain freakish.

We started demanding reality from our celebrities. You can trace it back to gangsta rap and the Real World. Little by little the up-and-coming stars shared more and more. Mike did not. As the 90s went on, while celebrities weren't the most sensical people, their celebrity caused them to view themselves as their fans did. MJ got a pass. He got grandfathered in. Once he caught up, in the early 00s, and tried to share his world with ours, what resulted was disastrous. He was already too far over the edge. What he thought was normal was actually not.

Who knows what would have happened if he reached his stratosphere at a time when he couldn't isolate himself that easily. What if he spent his time between albums judging American Idol or exposing himself more through the readily available media outlets instead of going away and coming back with a lighter hue and a slimmer nose. If anything, it's interesting to wonder.

Look Alikes: Team USA Jersey & New York Rangers Jersey