Boom.

5-hour ENERGY!!!!

Let's start off by stating that this shit works. It gives you a pretty substantial boost. It's best taken before a night of partying for which you do not feel well rested. It is not best taken 5 minutes before playing a basketball game at 9:15PM on a weeknight. Like I just did 2 hours ago.

I don't feel very good right now. I am dead tired, but not. It's weird. I still have a 5-hour ENERGY!!!! buzz even though I have been up since 6AM on 5-hours OF SLEEP!!!!

I started taking this concoction perhaps a year ago. Out of curiosity. Looks like curiosity killed the DAT.

Well, not yet, but I am pretty sure that if I keep taking this that I will die. Notice how I use the verb "take" and not "drink." Have you noted it? Good. The shortened version of "to notice" should be "to note," even though it's not. Or is it? Not too sure. I'm rambling.

Anyway, you should all give this 5-hour ENERGY!!!! a shot. Especially if you are consistent coffee drinkers. This can't be worse for you than 5 cups of coffee in the morning. I've heard coffee is best for you when you are coughing. I guess you could call it coughee. (I did not hear that btw).

How does a commonly used phrase become a web acronym? And how does a NOT commonly used phrase become a web acronym? Like FTW. I feel like that is a fucking ridiculous acronym. I just really dislike it. Perhaps it's because I am unsure of how to properly use it. I like the word "acronym" though. So much so I will now try to use it to mean a food. If I ate enough acronyms, perhaps I would be able to successfully climb the acrocrag. FTW.

Where were we? Oh yes, 5-hour ENERGY!!!! I guess if I took this at 9:15 I am now on hour 2.25. Fuck. That means I have 2.75 more hours left (relax, I used to be a math teacher). You know what's really going to suck? When I finish writing this dumb ass blog post and go to bed. You know why? Because I am going to toss and turn for 2.75 hours. Then, at 3:15 in the morning, I will fall into a coma. I'd rather fall into a comma than a period (right ladies?!)

Boom.

Michael Jackson: Victim of a Transition

It's hard to look back at the life of the King of Pop and not wonder what the f*ck went wrong. How did such an amazingly brilliant talent deteriorate in such a fascinating fashion? I am pretty sure all of his fans think about this at one point or another. And if they are in denial, the black-boy-growing-up-to-be-a-white-woman joke most definitely hits them hard. I was recently thinking about this and took it a step further - I wondered if MJ would have been better off blowing up in the modern media world. Would Mike's downfall have happened if he skyrocketed to fame a little later in his life? Maybe if he was born 10 years later? Basically:

Would his deterioration into a visual freak have happened in the present-day 24-hour news cycle/reality TV atmosphere?

Short answer: no. Obviously not. He would have been too exposed. He would not have had the ability to basically isolate himself and go crazy. The world of Twitter/Facebook/YouTube would be able to somehow make Mike into a saner person.

This line of thought led to another, more over-arching theory. Of course we all know MJ was famous almost from his birth. He was constantly exposed and constantly under the microscope (at least as much of a microscope that there was in the 70s). But he didn't attain his remarkable heights until the 80s. And then went even higher in the 90s and 00s. So here's the theory:

Michael Jackson was the unfortunate victim of the mass media transition.

I look back at photos of Michael in the 80s. I specifically do it to see if I could pinpoint when he started to change and become white. Surprisingly, there aren't that many photos/videos available other than what was closely monitored by him. No way in hell would this have happened 10-15 years later.

Mike blew up at a time when sharing his personal information with the world wasn't mandated by the status quo. Celebrities still had some measure of privacy. Not because there was some sort of respect that fans paid their idols, but because technology was just not there yet. At some point in the late 80s and early 90s, the media tide started to shift. But Mike stayed put, growing more and more isolated and... well.. just plain freakish.

We started demanding reality from our celebrities. You can trace it back to gangsta rap and the Real World. Little by little the up-and-coming stars shared more and more. Mike did not. As the 90s went on, while celebrities weren't the most sensical people, their celebrity caused them to view themselves as their fans did. MJ got a pass. He got grandfathered in. Once he caught up, in the early 00s, and tried to share his world with ours, what resulted was disastrous. He was already too far over the edge. What he thought was normal was actually not.

Who knows what would have happened if he reached his stratosphere at a time when he couldn't isolate himself that easily. What if he spent his time between albums judging American Idol or exposing himself more through the readily available media outlets instead of going away and coming back with a lighter hue and a slimmer nose. If anything, it's interesting to wonder.

Look Alikes: Team USA Jersey & New York Rangers Jersey

Happy (Belated) New Year!

Um, I still have a blog? Oh yea, I do! What's up? What's poppin? Champagne bottles were 11 nights ago! Here is my annual New Years blog post:

First off, let's take a look at my predications from last year!:

-The economy will continue to flounder and tank until about June when by all accounts, it will start performing better than expected. But a crisis of some sort will throw it right back into the shitter by the end of the summer.

I guess the economy got better, but a catastrophe? Didn't happen.

-Georgetown will make it to the Final Four. There they will face UNC and blow them out by 20. They will go on to WIN the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship.

Mega-false. Gtown didn't even make it into the NCAA tourney. They fell from the top 10 to unranked in less than 2 weeks. *Cue Price is Right loss music*

-The Yankees will open their season up in their new stadium and blow everyone out of the water. CC will finish 18-4 with a 2.58 ERA, Burnett will go 15-9 with a 3.98 ERA, M-Tex will bat .338 with 48 homers, the Yankees will finish with a 102-60 record, the AL East crown AND a World Series Championship!

CC: 19-8, 3.37 ERA (eehh, kind of close?)

Burnett: 13-9, 4.04 (pretty good!)

Teix: .292, 39 HRs (womp)

Yanks: 103-59 & AL East champs & WS Champs (oh my god, call me NostraDATmus!)

-Obama will be able to get much done in office, mostly by way of his post-partisan approach. Four key pieces will be passed with bi-partisan support in '09.

What does that word up there mean, "bipartisan"?

-Eminem and Dr. Dre will release their long awaited albums.

Eminem, yes. Dr. Dre, no.

-The Superbowl will be played between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, which the Iggles will win 34-21!

Well, halfway right. It was played between Pittsburgh and the Cardinals and Pitt won 27-23.

--

Ok, and now the moment you have all been waiting for. The Predictions for 2010!

The unemployment rate will hover around 10 for a couple of months then will slowly begin to creep down. It will end the year at 8.6%

The Democrats will lose their Super 60 majority in the Senate, but will retain control of both chambers.

The Superbowl will be played between the Ravens and the Saints and the Saints will win 35 - 21!

The Knicks will finally make the playoffs!... but will get swept in the first round.

LeBron will sign to the Knicks!!!

The NY Yankees will once again be on top. A-Rod will come through big this year - .310 with 40HRs and 120 RBIs. CC will be huge again reaching 20 wins (finally) and posting a 3.05 ERA. AJ finally breaks 16 wins. Unfortunately, Yanks finish 2nd in the AL, BUT... will win the WS for their 2nd in a row!

Avatar will still be in theatres in December (and will break Titanic's record).

The iPhone 4G will be released.

Foursquare will fail.

We will catch Osama Bin Laden.

You Rewind This

Sliding This Into The Amazing Category

Les Belles

I just realized that one of my blog's labels on the left side of this page says "fantasy."

If you click on the "fantasy" label, it takes you to a picture of a naked dude with his head in his ass.

This is admittedly pretty god awful yes. And thus, I would like to offer a retroactive "no homo" clause. Or a "pause" clause if you so prefer.

Communication

We are inundated with so much damn communication with everyone around us these days. Twitter. Facebook. Myspace. Text Messages. BBM. Blogs. Email. Gchat. AIM. Even if you don't use any of these modes, you still know they are out there, swarming around you.

All of this makes you forget how it used to be. The days where your only option was to call someone in order to talk to them. You literally just forget. Like I only vaguely recall those days, and they were only happening in the late 90s.

What's next? And, can we ever go back to the way it used to be? Not to say that I would want that, but would it even be possible? What is more personal and extrovertedly invasive than Twitter?? Can it get any worse? Are some of us (all of us?) going to be walking around all day long with cameras in front of our faces in 5-10 years?

Don't get me wrong, all of this technology is very exciting. But it is also very scary because you become dependent on it. When my iPhone runs out of batteries (because of my prolonged use all day), I get pissed off. If I do not have an electronic portal to the outside world at my fingertips, I am affected in a negative way. And I am sure you are too, whatever aforementioned mode you are addicted to.

What's also scary is the up-and-coming generation. My peers and I still remember the days where you had to scrounge around for a quarter to use the payphone. What are the current youths going to remember in 10 years time, debating which of their friends tweet to retweet or perhaps jailbreaking their phone to get even more crazy apps?

Maybe there will just be some sort of a colossal non-violent crash in a couple of years. When all the networks give out because of the over use. Oh wait, that happens every day if you are an AT&T user.

I guess what I am getting at is that it is useful to take the time to stop and reflect on how far technology has come, even in the past 5 years. Then, blog about it.

Look Alikes: Harry Martin from "My 9 News" & Conan O'Brien

From The I-F-ing-Hate-This Dept.

Well that was quick...

I really fucking hate this song:

Owl City - Fireflies
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - See the latest featured music videos.

It sounds like a 7 year old kid with a stuffed nose found his parents mic. Plus, it's a song about freaking fireflies. Some really deep quotes:

"'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance"

"To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell"

"A sock hop beneath my bed"

Ugh.


UPDATE:
I also really fucking hate this video.

No for November

I didn't post anything in November.

Womp.

My blog game is one big fail. Sorry to any readers out there.

But I shall return. With more Look Alikes and random thoughts and Yankee nostalgia.

Till then...

Great All-Around Sports Weekend

In chronological order:

-My Zogsports touch football team scored a win this weekend. First half I caught a 2-point conversion. Second half, due to a couple of people having to leave early, I took over as QB and threw for a TD and ran for a TD. Also threw a late game pick (I was confused about the score).

-Made a bet with a colleague at work about Michael Crabtree's catches this weekend. Line was 3.5. I went over. Crabtree got 5 catches... and I got 5 dollars.

-My fantasy team won it's 5th game in a row. After starting 0-2 I am now 5-2 and in sole possession of 3rd place in my (12 team) league. I have basically won off of waiver wire pickups (Miles Austin, Hakeem Nicks, Austin Collie).

-YANKEES! 6 long years have passes since we have last won the pennant. I am ecstatic about our current team.

Maybe You've Seen This, Maybe Not

Some Great Vids

Fuck Chris Brown:

they couldn't use the real instrumental? or spell rihanna's name right? smh. otherwise, really good.

MJ's "This Is It" footage:

damn he sounds amazing! plus, I am going to pull that move at 0:11 ALL THE TIME IN THE CLUB!! The NEW MJ MOVE, bitches! (keep replaying it..hilarious)

"Turn My Swag On" flipped and reversed:

Look Alikes: Kevin Connolly & Sam Rockwell

Maybe Kanye Had A Point...

...you decide.

vs.

Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) [Official Video]

A Quarter Is Worth More Than 25 Cents

I think about random things (surprise). This is one of them. Think about this:

Would you pay two dimes and six pennies for a quarter? How about two dimes, a nickel and three pennies? How about 3 dimes?

While you're thinking "why the fuck did I go to this blog?", I'm answering a definitive YES!

If you have ever had a laundry machine in your building that only takes hundreds of quarters, OR, if you drive in the city and park in front of meters, than you are totally agreeing with me. It's so simple it's beautiful: quarters are worth MORE than their stated value!

Cold

It's fucking cold out. I don't like when it is like this. Not one bit. This is right at the time when I start developing the sniffles. I HATE THE SNIFFLES!! I hate waking up and sneezing like 6 times. Even though I know that a sneeze is 1/6th of an orgasm (look it up), it doesn't mathematically add up to a morning nut.

Come to think of it, this summer's weather has sucked. June was the rainiest month in the history of mankind (look it up). They should have filmed a fucking rain disaster movie. It could've been called "Rain of Terror."

July wasn't much better. Lots of clouds. And then August was the same, and then the cold hit you in the nuts September 1st. Ugh. On top of all that, SAD is coming. Oh yes, Seasonal Affective Disorder i.e. the Greatest Acronym of All Time. What dickhead came up with that?? Probably the same one who put an "s" in lisp. He probably tried to call AIDS GAYDS back in the early 80s but that didn't pan out.

Week One? A Weak Loss.

Ugh. What a horrid way to start my fantasy football season. After a dismal finish last year (my first year of participation ever), I came into this season with high(er) expectations. By the accounts of many of my peers my draft went well. My starting O looked like this:

QB - Ryan

RB- Slaton

RB- Forte

WR- Houshmandezah

WR- Boldin

W/R- Driver

TE- Miller

K- Akers

Not bad, right?

Well it was bad... real bad today. The line on them looked like this:

17

2

6

4

1

3

(hasn't played yet, like it really matters)

9

...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Slaton shat the bed. Forte fucked up. Boldin bitched out. Houshmendshahajjskjh.. whatever.

I am very dissapointed. Like EXTREMELY upset. So what better way to cope than to self-depricate. Let's do it!:

1) My fucking kicker had more points than the #4 (Forte) and #15 (Slaton) running backs in the league... COMBINED!!

2) My Mr. Irrelevent (Devery Henderson), who of course was on the bench, had more points than my 3 starting wide receivers... AND 2 starting running backs... COMBINED!!

3) I actually took some time debating whether to start Moss or Boldin because Boldin was questionable. Well thank god I started Boldin. +1 fantasy points for me!!

4) Even if I started my OPTIMAL lineup, I still would have lost by 20+ points!!

5) Tomorrow is a battle for last place. So far I am 2nd to last in terms of total points in the league.. but I have one guy going, while the other loser has 3 guys going, including TO. Looks like I'm going to be the one taking home the trophy.

I actually feel... just really fucking tired. Maybe if I go to sleep I'll gain 54 points and be tied with my opponent at 114.

9/11 - 8 years later...

It's here again. The day that annually brings up a mixture of sadness, sickness and reflection. It's been 8 years since that day which is in itself unbelievable (time flys!). I always take 9/11 to think back on where I was when it all went down. But I also develop new thoughts as time goes by. Here are my more recent ones:

-It's been 8 years. Why the hell hasn't anything been built yet? I really think that is a disgrace and it greatly upsets me.

-I dabbed a good amount in investigating 9/11 conspiracy theories. Does that make me the Democratic equivalent of a Republican "birther?"

-I don't think terrosism is as big an issue as it has been made out to be. Obviously not taking anything away from 9/11 and its tragedy, but I think that if the terror threat was really as severe as people say then there would be a lot more instances of terrorism. Think about how easy it would be to take a bomb onto a train or a bus! Yes the planes are protected heavily, but Amtrak never scans bags; the MTA never scans bags. It seems like the US only implements security measures after the fact - like taking off your damn shoes in the airport.

-We are still fighting two wars because of 9/11. Has it all been worth it? Have all the lives we've lost been worth it? Are we really safer than before?