Sunday, November 4, 2007

Stage Fright

"I need to take a piss but I'm still scared to get up,
Please lord protect those up in this air with us..." - WM


I believe the first time was at a Mets game back in early high school. I was waiting in line and I really had to go. So many people around me. I got to the front, unleashed my beast and then...

Nothing.

I focused some more, repositioned my mission, and then...

Nothing.

Little did I know that I was experiencing what is known in male circles as Stage Fright. I ended up fake finishing up, and going to a stall to do my duty as the little girl that I was.

Stage Fright sucks. It occurs at highly populated urinal locations all across the country. It is all mental. I feel that people are waiting for me to finish, and I just can't do it. Instant constipation. Instant embarrassment.

The worst part is that you really have to go and you can't. But I a lways feel that I have to fake like I did go. And then awkwardly make my way into a stall as if I forgot to do something. What the fuck could I forget to do??? Finish urinating?? God it's awful.

Stage Fright affects many pee-ople. Hopefully it doesn't affect you.


2 comments:

Miz said...

I had no idea.

Stone said...

Yeah, this sounds like hell. I don't even know how it's possible. Good to know, though.