Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Fate of My License Plate

I have been an avid automobile operator since 2001. It took me 4 times to pass my road test, but when I did, I propelled myself into my Solid (Jersey?) Gold 1995 Toyota Camry. 

Witness the greatness:

This car was passed down (given) from my father, to my mother and then to me. I didn't care about its age or lack of a security system, or the fact that it was stolen in '98 from my driveway and all they left was a dollar on the ground (true story), or its eventual lack of the honk feature, all I cared was that I could drive. Now what I did grow to care about greatly was my license plate. "License plate??", you ask. Yes, license plate. 

Witness the greatness, part deux:

Nothing special to you, but to me this was basically the name of my car. I cannot tell you the amount of times I had to input this plate number into the Traffic Violations Bureau website in order to see how much I owed for a ticket. It had to have exceeded 30. But as time passed, New York State license plates changed. The Statue of Liberty vanished; in it's place, some random blue jungle shit. Now, when New York state instituted these changes and required all plates to change, the amount of digits ALSO changed. So New York went from having the very symmetric and beautiful looking ABC-123 format to the ugly nasty ABC-1234 format. But not I!  My license plate number stayed the same!

Witness the greatness, part III:

Unfortunately folks, F80-1LK recently passed away... for good. For reasons I shall not get into here, I was forced to go to the Department of Mean Vaginas not once, not twice, but THREE times in order to get a new registration for my vehicle. My prize for my patience? This foul piece of horridness.

Witness the ebb, part "this sucks fat cow dick":

Come on!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? ERK...??? Ugh! Ugly ugly ugly. UGHly. Now I go from being a one of a kind driver with a super-awesome-cool ABC-123 formatted licence plate to a run-of-the-mill looking-like-every-other-car ABC-1234 formatted piece of crap.

This may sound unreasonable and retarded, but I am so serious. I am so sincere.

I want my plate back!

1 comment:

José said...

You're a J-ERK.