Ruuudy... Ruuudy... Ruuudy..

What an idiot!



I mean.. C'MON!! Dude bet all his chips on Florida and came up with nothing. He did do good things in NYC, but personally, he's a douche so the better for the country.

Learn English!

What is wrong with the following picture? Do not worry, you have a couple of seconds to guess...



Done yet? You got it? You probably have seen a million times in the city.. but you do not know what is wrong with it.

Put yourself in the shoes of one who needs to "Learn English!" Do you think you would know how to "Read English!" or maybe even "Recognize English!" I think not. Thus, how in the world, could you, our fresh off the boat foreigner, come to this advertisement, and suddenly understand that it offers you your dream of learning English???

YOU CANNOT!

And herein lies my complete and utter disgust.

South Carolina, c'mon and raise (race?) up!

Race and politics. Race and the 2008 election. Race and Obama/Clinton. Heavy stuff.

I don't want to get too serious, because I can, but why is it that today, every time I went to CNN.com, I get as the main picture a black person voting? Why is the media shoving this in our face so much?











This is a touchy subject, race always is, but c'mon now. I know Obama is black (although his mom is white so he is mixed although I heard that is an offensive word), and the black vote is important in South Carolina, but don't you think this is too much?

Politics and serving people should not be about race, nor gender, nor any other social construct. If elected, Obama will serve all people, not just white people, or black people. Obviously it would be naive and stupid for me to say that we should all be colorblind and accept people for who they are, although that is what we should do but we're a long way off, but I find this election/primary season turning in to something that it should not be about.

Yes, South Carolina is comprised of a voting block of which the black vote will count for about fifty percent but that should not be the main issue of focus. I don't know, maybe I am way off. What do you think?

The Best

Behold one of the funniest TV clips ever. A classic.

Asparagussss

I went to DC this past weekend, only really for Saturday night. I ended up eating at Morton's, a steakhouse, with many a friends. The steak there is delish, and when it came time to order the sides, I bitched about getting asparagus. When it came, no one was interested, so I ended up eating all of it.

I'll tell you this, for the next day and a half, my piss smelled like heaven.

Do you like the smell of asparagus piss? I do. To be more specific, I like the smell of MY asparagus piss. There is something about that aroma that really does it for me, no homo, no pedorass. It's like an accomplishment, but a more subtle one compared to the huge-meal-eating-big-shit-stinking kind.

Do I like to eat asparagus because I know my pee will smell dandy? I don't know. I think not but maybe. All I know is that this Morton's asparagus, all seven glorious sticks of it gave me the most wonderful next eleven urination sessions ever.

Asparagushing with joy!

Fortune Cookies

I'll be the first to say it: fortune cookies have been on a steady and steep decline since the mid-90s.

Remember having Chinese food with your family when you were a little kid? You so looked forward to the fortune cookie dessert because the fortune given was always so on point.

Now? It's just embarrassing. They put anything in there. I've even had several times where the fortune was missing!

I still go for that cookie though...

Breaking The Ice

First post after a couple of weeks, always some pressure for it to be good. Rest assured, this one will not be - just a way for me to get back in the game.


Thoughts:

> Very much looking forward to that Feb. 16th baseball Congress hearing. Potential for embarrassment: very high. And that means one thing - entertainment through humiliation, always the best kind.

> I have been watching a lot of movies lately, and I mean A LOT. Like an average of 1.5 per week. I have seen basically all the ones out right now. I love it, the whole movie going experience. Even though the past like 5 movies I have seen have been sub-par - Juno, One Missed Call, National Treasure, etc - I still have not lost faith.

> I procrastinate sleep. I get about 4 hours a night on the weekdays only to go to a stressful ass job at 6:45 in the morning. Am I dying?

> White shoes are nice, but they get dirty quickly. What is the solution? Is it black shoes? It cannot be, because they are too doofy.

Signing off.

Happy New Year!

<-- New Year, new approach: no more rap quotes to start, it keeps me back from posting because I have to go to google every time to find a quote that has to do with my entry, and that's annoying and not really worth it I don't think -->


Happy New Year to all!

2008 - damn! Remember 1998? And looking back on 1988 and thinking that was a long time ago. Like watching "The Big 80s" on VH1 and thinking that the 80s were you're parents shit. Well now 1998 is like that, although it really does not seem that long ago. McGuire and Sosa. Clinton and Lewinsky. Russia's economy in the shitter. In 8th grade. Shit, I teach 8th grade now. Wow.

Anyway, predictions:

- Bloomberg will enter the race in March but won't win. Obama-Edwards vs. Romney-Giuliani in the finals. The former will take it in November.

-Patriots will not win the Superbowl, failing to even reach it. 16-0* goes down the drain.

-Bonds will be charged and will have to serve time. His records will be erased. Many more names will come out from the scandal.

-The Yankees will win the World Series in 6 games against the New York Mets, playing their final game ever in Yankee Stadium.

-The Knicks will continue to suck and Isiah Thomas' job will continue to be safe. Until the end of the season. When he gets fired. And Dolan puts the team up for sale.

-The Beijing Olympics will be surrounded by controversy based on the child-labor grievances present against China. People will boycott.

Well that's about it folks. Raise your glasses - I wish you all happiness, health and hot sex on a platter!

To 2008!

The Seal of Dissaproval

"Bitch, do I look like your type?" - KW



Why is it every time I tune in to the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show I have to see the astonishingly ugly Seal singing and making out with the unbelievably gorgeous goddess Heidi Klum???

Call me a hater, but I don't get it. Yea, he has a good voice and everything, but the face?? The teeth?? That gap!!??

And look at her! She is drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

Every single year all girls have the "Aww.. there goes the sweet Seal singing to his beautiful Heidi.. isn't that sweet? :) :) " moment while all the guys have the "What the fuck? How did that guy end up with that girl.. FUCK!" moment.

All this does is relay the FALSE notion that any of us (regular guys) stand a chance with any of them (models). Yes, I understand Seal is a world-renowned singer, but that stock drops through the floor when anyone looks at his face. Even more, that stock is nullified when anyone looks at her face.

Is her stock dropping now because of him? No. HELL NO. Why? Because she is THAT beautiful. She is untouchable. Argh.

Radio Personalities I Hate

"If hip hop should die before I wake , I'll put an extended clip inside of my AK/
Roll to every station, murder the DJ, Roll to every station, murder the DJ..." - NJ

Let me get this out there right now, I absolutely loathe Funkmaster Flex, Ed Lover and Wendy Williams.

Yes, I hate all three of them. A lot. I think they are so unbelievingly annoying in every single thing they do or word they say.

I hate how Funkmaster Flex likes to laugh for maybe 47 seconds straight so that I can hear his crackly shitty laugh and after-laugh. I hate how he decides to start a song then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it then restart it. The restart it one more time.

I hate how Ed Lover thinks he is hilarious. And in the morning he makes the point of having this little shtick with the other hosts that I don't even want to repeat because it is not funny and not worth my time.

I hate how Wendy Williams just keeps talking and talking and talking and thinking that she is god 's gift to talking. She keeps critiquing and critiquing but I'm pretty sure she is a piece of shit herself. Like Dr. Phil. Don't get me started on him.

Argggghhhhh!

I Keep Keeping My Hazards On

"Ball like the Knicks and the Mavericks, switchin' the fabrics
Pull up wit some big shit, lieutenant shit, hittin' the hazards..." - NW


I think I have a major problem. I turn my hazards on when needed. Then, I forget to turn them off.

Did it today. Went to McDonalds to pick up some lunch for a student. Parked at a hydrant. Hit the hazards. After getting the food drove back to school and parked. Had to have a teacher come and tell me 3 hours later that my hazards were still on. Embarrassing.

Especially since everyone passing by my car is thinking, "What an idiot, how could he forget?" I know I think that if I ever see it. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever see it. This makes me feel like more of an idiot.

The Mist

"Mackin phone rings, Stephen King trauma down at Danzine
My mood swings, suplexed off the rope, magazine..." - DC



I just got back from watching Stephen King's "The Mist" and honestly, I really don't know what to think. It is rare when a movie leaves me like this. Usually, I'm pretty satisfied. I like the whole movie-going experience, so even if a movie sucks, I still am satisfied. I've only walked out of one movie ever and that was Sister Act 2 and only because Street Fighter was calling my name outside the theater.

Anyway, back to The Mist. I don't know, it had all the makings of something I would really love that most others would not. There were some really great parts, some drawn out parts. The ending is really fucking with me though.

*Sigh* Yes, I just electronically sighed. Hence the stars around the word "sigh." Anyway, if you see it, let me know what you think.

American Gangster, Revisited

"The gangster is not defined by how many rocks are in your watch, but more, how many rocks you move while on your watch..."



After having Jay-Z's "American Gangster" on constant repeat in my car for the past 2 weeks, I have developed my share of favorite phrases/lyrics/verses. Here they are in no particular order:

"Fast forward, freeze frame on my pistol, fistful of dollars
Ignorance is so blissful..." - Pray

"But your use-to's has-beens
Ragging bad 'bout all the new dudes
Talking tough on the Youtube
Bout what you use to do
But that's old school to the new crew
They doin' numbers like Sudoku..." - Fallin'

"I missed the part when it stopped bein 'bout Imus
What do my lyrics got to do with this shit!
"Scarface" the movie did more than Scarface the rapper to me
So that ain't to blame for all the shit that's happened to me
Are you sayin what I'm spittin
Is worse than these celebrataunts showin they kittin, you kiddin!
Let's stop the bullshittin
'Til we all without sin, let's quit the pulpittin..." - Ignorant Shit

"You're now in a game where only time can tell
Survive the droughts, I wish you well - hold up
Survive the droughts? I wish you well?
How sick am I? I wish you health
I wish you wheels, I wish you wealth
I wish you insight so you could see for yourself...' - American Dreamin

"This is not for commercial usage
Please don't categorize this as music
Please don't compare me to other rappers
Compare me to trappers, I'm more Frank Lucas than Ludacris
And Luda's my dude, I ain't trying to diss
Like Frank Lucas is cool, but I ain't trying to snitch..." - No Hook

"And if Al Sharpton is speakin for me
Somebody, give him the word and tell him I don't approve
Tell him I remove the curses
If you tell me our schools gon' be perfect
When Jena Six don't exist
Tell him that's when I'll stop sayin bitch, BEEEITCH~!..." - Say Hello

"They say its celestial, its all in the stars
Like Tony LaRussa on how you play your Cards..." - American Dreamin

The 'Quil Diet

"Face full of fear, conquerin your ice grill,
Tragedies, put him to sleep like Nyquil..." - MD


It's almost like the right of passage into the cold season. As the days get shorter, the nights get longer, and, of course, Dmitry gets sicker. It always happens around the end of Octobor, beginning of November and it only adds to the darkness. Thankfully, there is a remedy; none other than...

The DayQuil/NyQuil Diet.

Someone wise once said: "A treated cold will last a week. Left untreated, it will last seven days." Maybe so. But what a wonderful treatment it is! It just covers up your symptoms, so your body can pretend like all is right. But it is not. Inside you are groggy, pissed off, and in a general malaise. Oh yea, and it doesn't help if you have to yell at middle school kids all day long.

Next time you feel it creep up on you, try the 'Quil Diet. You won't 'queel a thing!

Stage Fright

"I need to take a piss but I'm still scared to get up,
Please lord protect those up in this air with us..." - WM


I believe the first time was at a Mets game back in early high school. I was waiting in line and I really had to go. So many people around me. I got to the front, unleashed my beast and then...

Nothing.

I focused some more, repositioned my mission, and then...

Nothing.

Little did I know that I was experiencing what is known in male circles as Stage Fright. I ended up fake finishing up, and going to a stall to do my duty as the little girl that I was.

Stage Fright sucks. It occurs at highly populated urinal locations all across the country. It is all mental. I feel that people are waiting for me to finish, and I just can't do it. Instant constipation. Instant embarrassment.

The worst part is that you really have to go and you can't. But I a lways feel that I have to fake like I did go. And then awkwardly make my way into a stall as if I forgot to do something. What the fuck could I forget to do??? Finish urinating?? God it's awful.

Stage Fright affects many pee-ople. Hopefully it doesn't affect you.

American Gangster

"This is the ignorant shit you like..." - SC


I downloaded Jay-Z's tenth studio album yesterday, "American Gangster," which is set to come out next Tuesday. I've got two words for you...

Instant. Classic.

I can pretty much say I've listened through it all already. God DAMN it's good. Like, finally Jay! Enough of the Kingdom Come bullshit. This. Is. The. Shit.

It's got a Nas collabo (very good). A Weezy collabo (even better). But most importantly, it's got substance, story substance. I want to petition Ridley Scott to make some more movies that can inspire Jay to (not) write this shit.

Some songs to check out if not ready for the full album yet (other than the two singles out already and the two collabos mentioned earlier):

Pray - Wow. The beat is so raw and I have almost never heard Jay like this. It is awesome.

Ignorant Shit ft. Beanie Siegel - I am SO happy this track is on the album. It's actually old. I've been listening to it (or at least the first 2 Jay verses) since about '03 or '04. It was just never officially released, but it is sick. ("First thing Ima so is free Siegel..." it was recorded when he was in jail haha). And the last two verses from Beans and Jay are surprisingly conscious.

Party Life - Beat is laid back, but upbeat... a sick sample. Second verse: is he talking about B or H? (Beyonce or Heroin)? You be the judge.

Basically, this album is like Blueprint, but a ton more raw. The samples are all 70s shit, catchy, laid back, well produced, simple. The lyrics are full of Jay metaphors, interesting lines and verses you'll be quoting.

The funny thing is this semi-review is after only one listen through. And we all know albums/songs only get better as you listen to them.

Darkness

"It's getting crazy after dark..." - TS


It's that time of year again. (Sigh)

Time for me to wake up when it is dark outside and come home when it is dark outside. The start of winter. I don't really like it be honest with you. I think I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Tangent: What a great name SAD is. More of a great acronym. When you have SAD, you get sad. Who came up with this stuff?

Or maybe it was just because last year during winter was when shit really hit the fan in terms of work. I don't know. I guess we will find out.

Justin

"Now drop that shit right..." - JT


Is it possible for a live performance of a song to actually make the song better in ones eyes?

Yes.

When FutureSexLoveSounds came out (illegally), I kind of maybe liked "My Love," but wasn't crazy about it. Not like right now. Everything changed with this performance:




It really is amazing. Now I have not watched the whole concert, but judging from this performance as well as from word-of-mouth regarding the aforementioned concert, Justin Timberlake has seemed to catapult his musical career even further into the "This guy is fucking amazing" zone. I applaud him.

Absolut

"True Absolut Vodka, straight shots
for the has-beens and have-nots, dolla dolla..." - CS


Remember Absolut ads? That was a great time. About in '93, '94, '95 when people were collecting them. Probably now too, but back then was better. You'd see them in random magazines and get really happy if it was a rare one.

I even had a binder. I wasn't the best collector, but I had a good run. I think I gave it away to someone a couple of years ago.

Messed up part was I didn't even know what vodka was back then. Awesome marketing campaign.

Phristless

"I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way I need Jesus..." - KW
I usually do not like to talk at length about word-for-word experiences in school because I think it romanticizes things and too many TFA people do it, but...

Direct Transcript from today, 5th period, about 12:05 PM with class 801.

Me: "So, the Pythagorean Theorem... what happened was this guy named Pythagoras came up with it in about 500 BC..."

(writing 500 BC on the board)

Me: "Does anyone know what 500 BC means?"

Several students: "Before Christ!!"

Me: "Good! Now..."

Zarnay: "Before Christ? But Christ is always with us!"

-
I almost lost it.